Masks Uncoded Part I

You learned to perform and say “I’m fine” long before you learned how to ask yourself if it was true. Fine feels stable, secure, and safe. Like a psychological python, you gulp your emotions whole because it keeps you in control, hidden from others, and yourself. You appear calm, controlled, a veritable self-proclaimed Bodhisatva (बोधिसत्त्व). It is a meticulously curated version of yourself that is perpetually perfect.

Masking your feelings does not make them vanish; it stores them under immense pressure. Everything you suppress, fear, frustration, grief, and exhaustion grows exponentially. At high pressure, masks inevitably dislodge, exposing flickers of rage from deep insecurities, stories that become consistently inconsistent, cruelty with external shifting of blame and the not so humble brag.

People will call it overreacting as they start to avoid you. Your emotional reactions may surprise you or not. Often it is anxiety that feels hard to explain as you constantly edit your words, your needs, and your thoughts to display a mirage of control. Chaos and drama are your constant twin companions. Masking has the opposite of the intended effect, isolating yourself from others, and more importantly from yourself. The more you try to control the harder it is to remove the mask. It begins to mold to your face, becoming an extension of your skin even when no one is watching.

The truth manifests itself in the body as tension, fatigue, restlessness, and chronic pain. There are bouts of anger followed by sudden tears that escape out of nowhere. These are not signs of weakness or failure, it is your unfiltered self that is insisting on space. You are not responsible for fixing others at the expense of yourself. Are you focusing outwardly on other people’s problems to avoid the parts of you clamoring for attention?

There is no need to remove the mask at once, unless you are aware and ready. For now, how about loosening its ties?

Are you able to do one thing this week?

• Notice where your body is asking for attention – Is there a tightness in the chest and shallow breathing? Shoulder tension? Jaw clenching? Gut issues and stomach knots? Let this data be a compass.

• Do one candid check in with yourself – Before you say, “I’m fine,” pause, take a deep breath and ask yourself what are you feeling? No need to it verbalize aloud

• Express one truth – “I am feeling very tired” “I do not have bandwidth for this right now.”

• Set one boundary without explaining it – “I am unable to take on this project right now.” No convoluted apology or justification necessary.

If this resonates, consider forwarding this to someone who has been carrying too much quietly. Awareness is illumination.

And if you are reading this thinking, “This is about me” It is also for you.

No fixing required. You are not broken.

No performance necessary.

Just permission to get unbound and on the path to realignment, one small moment at a time.