Masks Uncoded Part II

Some people never show you their real self. They show you a mask.

They pretend. Saying “I’m fine,” when they are not. They pull you close, then push you away. They say one thing and do another. Then leave you to make sense of the gap between their words and their actions.

Mixed messages hurt. One moment, the connection feels real. The next, it feels like you made it up. And suddenly you’re asking yourself: What did I do wrong? Was I too much? Which version of them is real? It is crazy making.

But the worst confusion is when mixed messages are followed by silence. Silent treatment doesn’t just create distance. It creates doubt. You replay every conversation to search for the moment everything changed. You begin to question your sanity.

Silence is a way to avoid responsibility. It keeps the person in control, leaving you to carry the emotional burden.

Healthy space is communicated. Punishing silence is not. Healthy space says, “I need time, will come back to this.” The silent treatment says, “You get access to me only when I decide.” Over time, this pattern breaks you. You walk on eggshells, overexplaining, apologizing for things you didn’t do. Giving in to every demand to avoid being ignored.

Healthy silence is temporary, explained, and followed by reconnection. The silent treatment is indefinite, unexplained, and makes care feel conditional. If it feels safe, say: “Can we talk about what’s going on?” Then notice if they meet you with honesty or keep you guessing. You can ask for clarity. But do not chase them or beg for respect.

Ask yourself: What behavior am I no longer willing to normalize? When someone’s inconsistency creates self doubt, distance yourself. Spend time with people who feel sane and safe. Don’t force yourself to understand someone who refuses to communicate. It’s the fastest road to lose your mind. Stop letting them define your worth.  The healthiest response is not to try to make sense of silence.

Sure people can change.  They can become self-aware, choose honesty, admit faults, and make amends. You just can’t do this for them.  The more you ask this of them, the more they will fight you. How long will you betray you waiting for them to change?